The most pressing issue that threatens marriage order in American culture today is not ‘abusive men’, but rather, ‘manipulative women’.
Most modern men have been unconsciously taught to be passive and effeminate while women are applauded for showing an aggressive, decisive, and competitive spirit. It’s common today, even in so-called holiness Christian marriages, for the women to govern behind the scenes through manipulation by making their husbands ‘pay’ if they dare do anything that displeases them (pout, withhold support, cut off intimacy, bicker, fight, etc.).
I dare say, if most Christian men, even in the most conservative circles, would truly “rule” (control) their households as the Bible commands, hundreds, if not thousands of women would manifest their rebellion by leavingtheir husbands in protest (and sadly, many so-called pastors and leaders would blindly support them).
Granted, this rule would not be ‘abusive’ as defined by God, but most professing Christian women would think otherwise. Today, men are deathly afraid to disappoint their wives in making sound decisions while following Jesus.
Like idolatry in evangelism, when the professing church cloaks it’s pragmatic compromise under the banner of “love” in an effort to win the world’s approval. Instead of giving sinners what they need, they end up giving them what they want to their own demise. Likewise, many Christian men/ministries are driven to turn the marriage order on its head and call it “love”. Few men today are willing to do anything without gaining the approval of their wives. This is disorder in the extreme.
We are to love our wives, but we must love Jesus more; a lot more, in fact. Unless a woman is deeply spiritual and committed to God’s order in marriage, she will selfishly buck any man attempting to truly obey God and lead the family. There will be times that delegated authority (those under God) will be demanded to lead in directions that require those in subjection to that authority to solely trust God’s divine order. The grit and integrity of a husband’s authority is tested on this ground. B.